My Kind Of Crazy
by purplepagoda
Summary: What if Tony and Ziva were married? Through it all, from the beginning? What would be different, if they were married? Could they keep it a secret all this time? What if things were never as simple as they seemed, from the outside looking in? TIVA!
1. Don't You Wanna Stay?

She scoots towards the center of the bed. She slides under a muscular arm. She puts her cold feet on his bare legs.

"Why are you over here?" He asks in the dark.

"Cold," she replies sheepishly.

"There are five blankets on the bed," he reminds her.

She puts her cold nose on his cheek. She wraps her arm around his bicep.

"I get it, you're cold."

"The air is up to high."

"You're the one who broke the thermostat."

"We could go to your apartment."

"The apartment that I sublease?"

"Your idea, not mine," she answers.

"Whose idea was this, again?"

"You are the one who started it."

"Five years ago."

"You are the one who wanted to get married," she points out.

"I told you that it was an open marriage, from the get-go."

"And I was the first to test the waters."

"But not the last."

"I think we have learned our lesson, haven't we?"

"We did learn valuable things from that."

"We learned valuable things from you killing someone I was involved with."

"What ever tears apart, always brings us back together."

"Sometimes I still don't believe that we're married. What do you think people would say, if they knew?"

"They would never believe us."

"Our anniversary was four months ago," she reminds him.

"February 10th, I haven't forgotten."

"We have been through a lot in five years."

"First we had to deal with my relationship with Jeanne, which I thought that you were ok with."

"I wasn't?"

"There was that random guy from the bar. And the dying guy."

"I did not sleep with him."

"Yes, but you wanted to. And then of course there was..."

He feels her fingers pressed to his lips. "Don't say it," she whispers.

"I think after the last one ended, we finally realized that..."

"An open marriage, is not such a good idea."

"Because we are both, by nature, jealous people."

"You are overprotective."

"I have no choice. You are always running towards dangerous situations. I hate to think of how many times I have come close to losing you. The last, was the worst."

"I did not know that you would come for me. I thought that it was over."

"You are the one who wanted it to be over. You are the one who filed the papers. You're the one who lost faith in me. I didn't want it to be over."

"So you came for me, even though you thought I was dead."

"I never thought you were dead."

"You lie."

"I didn't. I would have felt it, I would have known."

"Your gut would have told you so?"

"And it didn't."

"Why does this have to be so complicated?"

"It doesn't, we're the ones who chose to have it this way. We could tell everyone, but... it's hard to believe."

"That I love you?"

"That we could be married. That we've done such elaborate things in order to keep anyone from ever finding out."

"We did not have much of a choice. He would have killed us, or separated us, at the very least."

"I am still amazed that we have been able to pull it off," he admits.

"It has been worth it."

"You don't always feel that way. You wanted to tell them, more than once," he reminds.

"I wanted to give up, more than once, too."

"On our marriage?"

"On you."

"Do you still think that we made the right decision?"

"Most of the time. I guess I have reasons to believe that we did."

"And what would that reason be?" he inquires.

"That no matter how hard things get, you are always going to be around. You refuse to walk away, even when you should."

"I love you, you know that, right?"

"You would not have stuck around if you did not love me," she answers.

"That's true. What made you decide to give me another chance?"

"What made you refuse to sign the papers, for the separation?"

"I wanted to make it work. I knew that there had to be a way."

"I ran away. I left, I did not want to work on it. I had given up things ever working out. I did not think that I could trust you again. I did not think that you would ever get over what happened. We agreed to do what we had to, for work, but... I took it too far. I crossed the line. I did not think you should have to stay in a marriage, that was holding you back."

"We both made mistakes. We were naive to think that fidelity would not be an issue."

"You know that we are going to have to get up for work soon."

"You will get up, and go for a run, and I will go back to sleep for another forty-five minutes."

"Maybe I will not go for a run this morning."

"You're too cold to get out of bed?"

"It's warmer out there, than it is in here."

"I can think of a couple ways to warm you up," he smiles. He tucks her hair behind her ear, and kisses her. She pushes him away.

"I am not finished talking about this," she warns.

"Then continue," he advises.

"Why did you come get me? You had no proof that I was alive."

"I couldn't let what I said to you, be my last words to you. I had to apologize, make things right. I didn't know if you could ever take me back, if you could ever forgive me, but I knew that I had to tell you the truth. While our marriage, was ill thought out, and the catalyst was heavy drinking... I wasn't ready to let you go. I wasn't just going to let you walk away."

"Why not? Why didn't you just cut your losses?"

"You had my heart. I had to get it back."

"That's it?"

"I wanted you back. Maybe it was foolish to think that you would take me back, but... I had to try."

"Say it."

"Because I can't live without you. I love you too much to let you go."

"You know something?"

"Hm?"

"I was wrong to doubt you."

"You didn't think that I would come for you?"

"I was beginning to lose hope."

"Even if I had given up on our marriage, I would never give up on you."

"That's good."

"Why is that?"

"Because it was then that I realized, how much I love you."

"Can I kiss you now?"

"If a kiss is all you want," she warns.

"Since when do you not want..."

She cuts him off, "Since the last time we decided to have a little bit of fun before work, the neighbors called the cops on us."

"It is not my fault you are so loud."

"They should not have called the police for a noise disturbance. The music you play is much more disturbing."

"I almost forgot, we have to choose our moments carefully. We wait until the neighbor has his nightly band practice."

"Tony?"

"Yes, my wife?"

"If you hate this apartment so much..." she begins.

"Your lease is not up for seven months," he points out.

"Do you remember how we solved that problem last time? At your place?"

"I was evicted," he answers.

"Yes."

"The neighbors called the cops on us six times, in two weeks."

"Are you trying for a repeat?"

She kisses his cheek. He places his hand on her hip. "Ziva?"

"Hm?"

"It's four o'clock in the morning."

"Your point?"

"We won't have time to go back to sleep."

She rolls away from him, for a moment. She reaches for a pillow. She rolls back over, and hits him with it.

"What was that for?"

"You do not trust in my abilities?"

"What abilities?"

"To completely wear you out," she replies.

"I know you can, but we have to be in by seven today, and I have a gut feeling that it is going to be a long day."

"Poor baby," she pats his cheek with her fingers.

"We got home early last night."

"So your limit is three times in an eleven hour period?"

"I have a cold," he whines.

"Then go back to sleep, but for the record, you are the one who offered."

"That was before I realized that I was too tired."


	2. Crazy

He brushes his teeth. He watches her in the mirror. She notices his eyes are on her.

"Something on your mind?"

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

"The day we got married. Do you remember?"

"Most of that weekend is one I would like to forget."

"It was a magical weekend."

"I remember we got off at five, on a Thursday, and for some reason we had a four day weekend, so you insisted that we go to Vermont that weekend."

"I thought that I was going to die before I got there."

"You should have checked the weather before we left."

"I shouldn't have let you drive."

"But you did."

"I thought that we would end up in a tree before we ever made it to our cabin."

"The roads were so slick."

"By the time that we got there the only thing I wanted to do was sit on the couch, and never get into a car again."

"And drink."

"Yes, I don't think we would have ever gotten married, if I hadn't gotten you totally smashed."

"You did not get me totally smashed, that night."

"But the next morning, the roads were miraculously clear."

"And at some time Thursday night you proposed marriage."

"And you agreed. I never will understand why you agreed."

_February 9th, 2006_

_She pours him another drink, into the dollar store cup, that he had found in the cabinet. He accepts it, and watches her as she slowly sips her. _

_"You are being awfully quiet."_

_"I am just enjoying the view."_

_"The view? What can you see? It's a blizzard out there," she turns and looks out the window._

_He chuckles. She turns around, "I was talking about you," he clarifies._

_"You are drunk."_

_"Maybe," he shrugs._

_"I think that we should get you to bed."_

_"Ziva can I ask you something?"_

_"I suppose. I can rarely stop you from asking."_

_"Will you answer?"_

_"That, I cannot promise."_

_"Have you ever thought about getting married?"_

_"No. Why?"_

_"I was just curious. Wouldn't it be funny if we got married?"_

_"Funny? Why would we get married? I thought that this was just sex for you."_

_"And for you?'_

_"I am just having fun."_

_"So you have never thought about getting married?"_

_"Where is this coming from?"_

_"I have been thinking a lot, lately."_

_"You always think a lot."_

_"I've been thinking about marriage. I think that it is something that I would like to do before I die."_

_"How would you get married? If you are married you are not free to see other people."_

_"If I could find a woman to marry, who would agree to have an open marriage, who wouldn't care if occasionally I wanted to sleep with someone else, I would marry her, and I would never let her go."_

_"You want to be married? But still be free to date other women? What is the point of being married?"_

_"Knowing that no matter how your date went, or how crappy your day at work was, you always have someone at home, waiting for you. That you have someone to share your life with. Someone to wake up next to. Someone who will make you dinner, even if you don't deserve it. Someone who can put up with your irritating qualities."_

_"That does not sound so bad."_

_"We could keep our own places, that way when we needed space, we had somewhere to go."_

_"I think that you've had enough to drink."_

_"Would you get married, under those circumstances?"_

_"Are you asking?"_

_"Should I be?"_

_"That is up to you."_

_"Ziva would you marry me? I need someone who I can count on. Someone who can put me in my place, but who I am still crazy about."_

_"You are crazy about me? I thought you were just in it for the sex."_

_"Funny, I thought the same thing about you."_

_"How would it work, if we wanted to see other people?"_

_"Just ask," he replies._

_"And if the other person does not agree? Does there have to be a justification?"_

_"The other one can only disagree if there is a good reason. It can't be just out of jealousy."_

_"I do not pick up dirty socks, that do not belong to me."_

_"Is that a yes?" he stares at her in confusion._

_"I do not see why not. I think it could be fun."_

_"You think that it would be fun, because we are going to have to hide it from everyone. You like keeping secrets. It gives you a rush to nearly get caught."_

_"No one can know, not even your mother."_

_"Not a problem. Ziva, my mother is dead."_

_"Oh. We have to continue to act nothing has changed. We have to make everyone think that we are not together. The idea should not even enter their heads."_

_"Ok. What about a ring?"_

_"They will get us caught."_

_"Tattoos? Like the assassins had?"_

_"Not anywhere, anyone can see," she answers._

_"It should be a symbol that only the two of us would understand."_

_"It should be in Hebrew."_

_"Why Hebrew?"_

_"Who do you know that speaks Hebrew?"_

_"You."_

_"And who can read Hebrew?"_

_"You," he repeats._

_"Do you know anyone else who can read Hebrew?"_

_"No," he admits._

_"What should it say?"_

_He replies without a second though, "Forever Loyal."_


	3. Tattoos, and Payback

_February 10th, 2006_

_He watches her nervously as she reclines in the chair of the tattoo parlor. She doesn't flinch as the needle permanently inks her. She watches the tattoo artist carefully._

_"You know that if you screw up I will know? I can read Hebrew."_

_"I can't, but I can copy the symbols that you gave me," the young man replies._

_"You don't even know what you're putting on her?" Tony questions._

_"Hebrew symbols," the young man answers._

_"But you don't know what it says?"_

_"I assume that she does, and since she is the one getting the tattoo, that is all that matters."_

_"Of course," Tony nods._

_"So can I ask why the two of you are getting matching tattoos? If you aren't planning on being together forever, they really aren't a good idea."_

_"We just got married," Ziva reveals._

_"Congrats. I'm all done with you," he smiles. _

_Ziva looks at the that runs vertically up the inside crest of her left hip. It was so small that she could not make out the symbols. To the untrained eye it would just look like a couple of dashes. The tattoo artist hands her a magnifying glass. She studies the tattoo._

_"Perfect," she compliments._

_"So where are you getting yours?" The tattoo artist questions Tony._

_"She hasn't told me yet," Tony responds._

_"You have clippers?" Ziva inquires._

_"Of course," the young man nods._

_Tony takes a seat in the chair. She unzips his jacket._

_"Take it off," she insists._

_He pulls the jacket off. He untucks his sweater, and pulls it over his head. He holds out his arm._

_"The t-shirt too," Ziva instructs._

_"Where am I getting this at?" _

_He slips the shirt over his head. She presses her hand against his hairy chest. Her fingers press against his heart. "Here," she divulges._

_"You are going to leave a mark on my heart? How cliché."_

He watches her climb into the shower.

"The hair grew back," she continues.

"I know."

"Besides, no one knows that it is there. You are so furry that not even a gorilla would be able to spot it."

"Sometimes I wonder if you drugged me."

"Why is that?" she laughs.

"That is the only way you could ever get me to agree to tattoo."

"Not the only way," she says softly.

"Oh... I almost forgot about that."

"How could you forget?"

"There have been lots of amazing nights, it's hard to remember just one."

"I think you paid me back for making you get a tattoo."

"That I can't even read," he adds.

"It was for me. I am the only one who needs to know what it says. Do you remember what happened after we got our tattoos?"

"How could I forget?"

_February 10th 2006_

_She cooks him dinner. He sits at the table, waiting for her. She places two plates on the table. He opens a bottle of alcohol._

_"What is that for?" she wonders as she sits down, adjacent to him._

_"We're celebrating."_

_"With whiskey?"_

_"Look they didn't have much of a selection, this is Vermont."_

_"You could not find anything else?"_

_"You don't like whiskey?"_

_"It is not my drink of choice."_

_He scoots his chair out, away from the table. He goes over to the fridge, and pulls out another bottle. He sits it on the table. _

_"Tequila," he offers._

_She nods, and he fills her eight ounce cup, up, half-way._

_"You are not supposed to sip tequila," she points out._

_"Then don't," he warns._

_February 11th, 2006_

_He climbs out of bed. His feet hit the cold, creaky, wood floor. His bare feet carry him to the bathroom. He pushes open the heavy wooden door. The bathroom light is off. There is a night light plugged in above the counter._

_"Are you in here?" he questions._

_"Don't turn the light on," she snarls._

_He walks over to the toilet. He finds her hugging it. _

_"You ok?"_

_"I am going to be sick," she replies. He grabs her hair as she rockets towards the toilet bowl. He sits in the bathroom with her, holding her hair, for two hours. When she finishes throwing up she brushes her teeth, and climbs into the shower. _

He climbs out of the shower, and wraps a towel around himself. She applies her make up as he dries off.

"And you never drank Tequila with me again," he smiles.

"And I never will," she adds.

"You've got to live a little."

"I married you, didn't I?"

"You should get going, if you are going to get to work before me."

She kisses his cheek, and smiles.

"You just put on lipstick, didn't you?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

He looks at his face in the mirror.

"Five years, and it still doesn't get old? I think that you started wearing lipstick, just so you could do that."

"I have to leave my mark," she warns.

"Ziva regardless of what happened in the past, I am yours. I am yours, and only yours. I do not want to be anyone else's. You're the only one I want. You don't have to mark your territory."

"Like you don't mark yours?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You used a label maker to put a label on my coffee cup."

"It's yours."

"It says 'mine'. You put it there."

"As a reminder that you are mine. I know the coffee mug isn't."

"I would hope so, it has my name on it."

"I told you that wasn't necessary."

"You kept taking my coffee mugs to work. And then you would lose the lids. It was getting a little bit out of hand."

"Things are going to get a little bit out of hand, if you don't leave for work now."

"I drive fast," she reminds him.


	4. All In

He tumbles into bed next to her, after a long day, and a warm shower. He rolls over to kiss her goodnight, and realizes that she's not asleep.

"Why are you still awake?"

"I hate leaving things open ended."

"You're really ready to talk about this, now? Tonight? It's late."

"Tony, I've tried to ignore it, but I can't."

"Go ahead."

"I hate her."

"I know."

"I hate that you were with her. I hate that you..."

"You started it, this time."

"Why does it always go back to that? Why does it always end up being about who started what? Why are we even still together? We're cheaters. We cheat. We are always going to cheat. What is the point of being together, when we're with someone else?"

"Ziva..."

"I know that I screwed up..."

"But you left it open ended. You left the door open, for him to come back. You let him think that he might take you off the market, but you're already off the market."

She rolls over, and flips on the lamp. She sits up. She leans her head against the headboard. She looks at him. "Well, maybe I don't want to be."

"Don't. Don't do this."

"Why not? I'm sick of it. What was the point of getting married? If we keep doing this? This isn't a game. We're married."

"Yeah, for better or worse. You're the one who went and fell in love with someone else."

"And what did you do, exactly?"

"I was just having fun. I just had sex with her. It meant nothing."

"It meant something, or we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Do you love him? Do you want to be with him? Because, if you do, then go. I'll let you go."

"Why do we always do this?" she questions.

"Cheat?"

"No. Let things fester. We pretend to be ok, to be happy, and then we explode."

"We both have short fuses, and bad communication skills."

"I don't want out."

"What do you want?"

"I want to be better at this. I want to try harder. I want to make this work. I want to salvage this, if we can."

"Ziva, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I guess I just... I was afraid of losing you. I had to do something to get my mind off it."

"So you cheated?"

"You started it."

"I know."

"Why? Why did you have to go there?"

"Maybe I was bored," she offers.

"Because?"

"Nothing ever changes. We sleep together, and then we get tired of each other. And we end up in separate apartments, living separate lives."

"What are you saying?" he questions.

"I think that we're at a turning point."

"Ok."

"It's time to fold, or go all in."

"Which do you want? Do you want to fold, or do you want to go all in?"

"I don't know anymore."

"Ziva if you love him, if you want him, then you can have him."

"And what would be different? He's married to his job, just like you. I would end up sleeping alone, more nights, than not."

"Do you love him?" his tone of voice changes.

"I wanted to."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I tried. I wanted to love him. I wanted to be in love with him, just to know that I could be. I needed to know that there was another option. I liked the idea, for a while, when it was new. But I couldn't love him."

"Why not?"

She looks away. He turns her face towards his. He looks into her eyes. He whispers, "Why not?" again.

She stares into his deep green orbs. She knows she should look away. He could read her like an open book. His eyes search her, for answers that she doesn't want to reveal to him. It didn't matter if she told him, or not, because he would find out. He always found out. She tried so hard to hide her feelings from, but she could never hide them from him. The one person on earth she wished to hide them from, was the one person who always knew. She exhales, and finally she answers him.

"Because I still love you."

He furrows his brow, "This isn't you saying it, because you think it's what I want to hear. It isn't you trying to keep us happy, is it?"

"No."

"After everything we've been through. After everything we've put each other through. After all those times I dragged your heart through the mud, you still love me?"

"Yes. I'd like to stop, but I can't. It's like a drug addiction. The longer I go without you, the more I want you, the more I need you. You're like a parasite, I try to get rid of you, but I just can't."

"Wow, that is so sweet," he mocks her.

"I don't know how else you want me to explain it."

"It's ok."

"Do you want out?"

"No. I don't want out. I want in."

"Then why did you cheat?"

"To get you to react. Why did you cheat?"

"As a wake up call. I knew that if you thought you were going to lose me, it would make you react."

"You pushed me in the wrong direction."

"Our relationship is so dysfunctional."

"Look at the people in it. We're not exactly normal."

"I think that we need help."

"Help? From who? Superman?"

"Like therapy."

"Therapy? I never thought that I'd see the day."

"What day?"

"That you suggested therapy."

She sighs, "It's time to fix what's broken."

"Maybe we should start with coming clean."

"About what? You know all my indiscretions, and I thought I knew yours."

"Not what I meant. I meant, with the rest of the world."

"I think that would end badly."

"Why don't we try therapy, and ease ourselves into telling everyone the truth?"

"Eventually."

"Eventually? Ziva, how long is that going to be? We've waited for five years. We've hidden this for five years. We've been keeping these secrets for five years, and it is ripping us apart. It is tearing out marriage apart. It is wrecking our friendship, and it's taking a toll on our partnership. I think it's time we make a change."

"It's not going to be easy."

"It's going to be a lot of work, I know that," he admits.

"So..."

He cuts her off, with a grin, "I'm all in."


	5. Game Changer

He comes into the apartment, and closes the door behind himself. He looks around the apartment. He notices that it's too quiet. She should be home. She left an hour before he did. He had stopped to pick up dinner, and even if she had gone for a run she would be home by now. He sits the bag of take out on the counter.

"Zi?" he calls out.

"In here," she replies in an unusual tone.

"In where?"

"The bathroom."

"Oh. I'll wait."

"You can come in, I've been in here a while," she admits.

"I..." he stares at the closed door.

"Just come in here."

He opens the door, stopping in the doorway. He finds her sitting on the floor, against the bathtub. She's already in her pajamas. She sits on the rug, with her legs crisscrossed.

"What are you doing down there?"

"I don't want to get up."

"Why not? Did you do something to hurt yourself?"

"No. Unlike you I don't throw my back out, getting in and out of the shower."

"That was one time, and I still blame you for that."

"Have a seat," she points to the toilet.

He nods, and puts the lid down. He sits on top of the lid. He allows a few moments of silence to pass.

"What are we doing, sitting in the bathroom?"

"Waiting."

"For what?"

"I was waiting for you to get home."

"Why?"

"Because we need to talk."

"Ziva, we cannot have all of our meaningful conversations in the bathroom. I mean at work is one thing, but we're at home. There is no one here to hear us. This is getting a little bit ridiculous."

"I came in here, and... I just couldn't leave."

"Why not?"

"We've got a little problem."

"A little problem? Ziva we have a lot of little problems, and some big ones too."

"I don't mean with our relationship."

"I don't understand. What has you sitting in the bathroom, on the floor, waiting for me to get home?"

"Did you look at the counter when you walked in?"

"No, why? Should I have? Is there a bomb sitting there, or something?"

"Do you hear something ticking?" she responds.

"No."

"Look at the counter."

He looks at the counter. He sees a box sitting on the counter top, next to the sink.

"I might be pregnant," she announces.

"I got that from the open box, that says pregnancy test on it."

"You don't have to be such a smartass."

"What makes you think that you're pregnant?"

"I don't know, what usually makes people think that they're pregnant?"

"Now you're being smart."

"Sorry. Did you take it yet?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you still sitting on the floor?"

"I was waiting for you to get home, to look at it."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to know, yet."

"Why not? I would imagine you would be anxious about finding out."

"I am."

"You're not good at waiting, so why did you?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you, before I found out."

"About what?"

"I'm pregnant?"

"And? It might not be mine?" he guesses.

"Right," she lies.

"What is there to talk about?"

"Tony I could be pregnant. I think that is a conversation piece, don't you?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Something, anything."

"Are you happy about this? Are you upset?"

"I... I don't know," she shrugs, "How am I supposed to feel, about potentially bringing a child into this mess. We are a mess. We can't seem to work our problems out now. I can't imagine it will be any easier, with a baby."

"Are you saying that you don't want to have it, if you are?"

"I'm just saying, I think that it's a bad idea. We can't even tell people that we're married. How are we supposed to tell them that we're having a baby? I don't want a have a child whose life is built on secrets, and lies."

"I want you to have it. I know that it's your choice."

"So then why are you telling me..."

He cuts her off, "Because I want you to know how I feel. I want you to have it. I don't care if it's mine, or not. I know we have a lot of things that we need to work out. I know that we have things that we need to fix, but if you are, I think you should have it. I don't care if it's mine, or not. Ray is married to his job. He is never going to be able to be there for you, and for the baby. He'll try, but he'll never succeed. To be honest, I don't even want him to know. I would prefer that you had it, and... I want it, even if it's not mine. I will be there, even if it's not mine. If we can't make it work, if we can't be together, I would still want to be there, for the baby."

"That's good to hear."

"Why?"

"Because you're the only person that it could belong to."

"Why did you lie to me?"

"I wanted to give you an out."

"I don't want out. I want in. I told you, I'm all in."

"Ok."

"Ziva, are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she lies.

"Don't lie to me. Are you ok?"

"No, I'm not ok. I'm scared. How are we supposed to do this? How am I supposed to do this? This isn't the right time. I'm freaking out. Our marriage is... falling apart, and we might be having a baby. A baby isn't going to fix anything, it will just make things worse."

"If you don't want to do this, you don't have to."

"And that will be our breaking point. You'll never forgive me if I don't."

"It's not about what I want. It's up to you."

"I am afraid that things will turn out badly. I am afraid that you're going to leave me. I am scared to death, but... I want to do it. If I am, I want to keep it."

"Ok. That's ok," he smiles, sliding onto the floor with her. He holds her against him, as she lets the tears fall. He pets her head. "There's no one I'd rather have a baby with," he admits.

"You're just saying that."

"It's true. It'll be good looking, and smart."

"Because that is the important thing."

"It will be perfect. That being said, we should probably find out whether you are, or not, before we break out the name book."

"Ok," she agrees. He lets go, but she doesn't move. She looks at him.

"I'll look," he lifts himself off the floor. He walks over to the counter, and dumps the contents of the box onto the counter.


	6. Fix Us First

"Ziva?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

He reaches his hand out for her. She takes it, and he pulls her off the floor. He hands he the test.

"I don't think we're having a baby," he reveals.

She smiles, "That's what negative means," she looks at the plastic stick.

"Are we sure that's right?"

"There's another one."

"Another one? Where?"

"Under the sink."

"You put a stick that you peed on, under the sink?"

"No. I didn't use it yet."

He pulls it out, and hands the box to her. She rips it open. He tosses the old test into the trash can. She points to the cup on the counter.

"Can you hand me that?"

He looks at the counter, and then at her. "You want me to hand you a cup of urine?"

"Yes," she nods.

"You come over here," he insists.

"Fine," she rolls her eyes.

She dips the stick in the cup, and then lays it on the counter, on top of the box.

"So now what?" he questions.

"We wait."

"Can we eat while we wait?"

"Are you kidding me? I could be pregnant. Our entire lives could be about to change, and you're worried about eating?"

"You know how I get when I'm hungry."

"Ok," she agrees.

"Are you coming?"

"What did you bring home?" she questions as she turns on the faucet.

"Chinese."

"Ok," she agrees.

She finishes washing her hands, and follows him into the kitchen. He slides the bag towards her. She opens it, and pulls out a carton. She opens the carton, and begins eating.

"You're not going to share?"

"I can."

"No, that's ok. You eat it out of the carton."

"You're really afraid of my saliva? Come on. You brushed your teeth with my toothbrush last week."

"You scrubbed the tile with mine."

"I got you a new one. I put it in your side of the cabinet."

"I didn't notice it."

"So instead of asking if there was another toothbrush you just used mine?"

"I never noticed that you buy toothbrushes in bulk."

"Three, is not in bulk," she tells him.

"No, but when you buy three packages, it is."

"They were a good deal," she argues.

"Probably because they're painted with lead paint."

"You'll live," she insists.

"If..." he begins.

She cuts him off, "If I'm pregnant we're not naming it Thaddeus. I don't know why you even like that name."

"It just sounds cool."

"Not happening."

"Fine," he huffs, reaching her food.

She willingly hands the container to him. She walks away.

"Where are you going?" he hollers after her.

"To put an end to this conversation," she calls out.

She makes her way to the bathroom. She stops in the doorway, for a brief second. She takes a deep breath, and soldiers on. She stops in front of the counter. She looks at the stick. She grabs kleenex, and carries into the kitchen. She waves it around for him to see.

"Ziva that is disgusting. I am trying to eat her, and you're waving a urine soaked stick around."

"Just read it!"

"Stop waving it," he grabs her arm, so that it will stop moving.

She stops. She holds it steady, for him to see.

"Still negative. How accurate are these things?"

"Pretty accurate."

"You're sure that it's right?"

"Would you like to go to the doctor and have my blood drawn?"

"I wouldn't hate it," he admits.

"I'll take another one next week. If it's still negative, will you be satisfied?"

"Yes. Do you feel pregnant?"

"No."

"Then why did you take a test?"

"Because I was late."

"Oh."

"How do you feel pregnant? I don't even know what that means."

One week later: He sits on the end of the bed, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom.

"Are you coming, or not? We're going to be late."

"I'm coming," she promises.

"What does it say?"

"I don't know why it's necessary to have this conversation."

"We can't be too sure."

"Tony, I got my period."

"Maybe you just thought that you did."

She stomps out of the bathroom. She smacks the stick into his hand. He ignores the fact that it has urine on it. He very calmly reads it to himself.

"Ok, it's negative, just like the blood test. I accept that. Now what?"

"It's almost like you want me to be pregnant."

"Would that be so bad? I am your husband."

"Well we've been married for five years, and between the two of us we've cheated at least half a dozen times. We need to work on fixing this, before we consider having a baby."

"Fine," he pouts.

"Why are you pouting? Do you want a baby?"

"I wouldn't hate it."

"Is that you're new thing?"

"It's better than telling you that I'd like it. You'd get mad if I said that I'd like it."

"You're irritating."

"We're going to be late."

"They'll charge us, even if we aren't there."

"Ziva, you're the one who suggested this."

"I didn't think that you would jump on board."

"Therapy can't be that bad."


End file.
